Where do you draw the line?

Ricki talking about where you draw boundaries with other people

For most of my adult life, holiday visits to my family back in Montreal caused me undue anxiety and stress.

As a people-pleaser who also hated confrontations of any kind, I’d often acquiesce to my parents’ wishes (even as a “child” in her 30s or 40s), which left me feeling less than festive.

Because trips to my home town were always consumed with family events (often ones I hadn’t chosen to attend), my time with dear friends was always set aside to accommodate other plans.

As a result, I’d invariably leave after a few days or even a week back home feeling worn out, unhappy, and resentful that I never had time to do any of the things I’d wanted to do while there.

In fact, The HH (who is not a native of the city) used to joke that he knew the road from the highway to my parents’ house really well, but other than that, had never actually seen anything in Montreal during the 20 years we visited!

Once I began to get my health back, however, I was able to start focusing on other aspects of healing in addition to the physical symptoms. And then, I was able to move beyond that pattern.

It took time to refine my responses in a way that remained respectful to my Dad yet still fulfilled my own needs while away from home, but with time, it happened.

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a situation where you agreed to accommodate others’ wishes at the expense of your own?

If so, today’s video is for you.

 

Tell me in the comments: How do you deal with requests from others that don’t acknowledge or take into account your needs and desires? Do you grudgingly agree, or do you respond another way?

Highlights:

  • A common experience many of us have that causes us to give in to others’ wishes
  • Why women are more prone to “people pleasing”
  • When even good intentions can be negative
  • The question to ask to determine when accommodating others is a problem for you
  • How to decide when to say “no”
  • How easy it can be to misinterpret people’s wishes
  • What is and isn’t your responsibility
  • What I’ve seen about when people truly start to heal

Resources:


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